WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF THINKBOT
17th Feb 2123
8th Feb 2123
4th Feb 2123
'Customer require square peg.'
'Ok, so they need a Square Pegbot.'
'No, customer want Round Pegbot.'
'Er, but that'll make round pegs.'
'Customer hole is round.'
'I thought you said they required a square peg?'
'Yes, customer require square peg.'
'But that won't fit a round hole.'
'Round Pegbot is qualified. Square Pegbot will require approval from the corporate HSAC. It take years.'
[MUTE] What's HSAC?
Hole Shape Approval Committee I think. [UNMUTE]
'But the Round Pegbot can only make round pegs.'
'Customer require Globalbot to supply Round Pegbot to make square pegs to fit round hole.'
[MUTE] What next? Customer require Globalbot to be an anagram of Numbskull?
1st Feb 2123
The Global Standards Institute (GSI) auditor beat his head rhythmically against the wall.
GAT sat at the conference room table looking exasperated.
The GSI auditor made one final effort, 'I'll ask just one more time then we're done. How is it possible that a Globalbot product can be installed at customer A in customer B configuration based on a PO from customer C when it should have been shipped to customer D?'
'Er, well, that's the easy bit.'
25th Jan 2123
GAT stared forlornly through the glass.
Some text scrolled repeatedly across the keypad display.
' . . . COME BACK IN 6-8 WEEKS . . . '
18th Jan 2123
Traditional Industry Games #83 - 'Hunt the Asset Tag'
The aim of the game is to find all the asset tags for your multi-million G$ capital equipment.
The winner is the first to cause the external auditor to lose the will to live.
Summary of the Rules:
1. Submit application for enormously costly piece of equipment
2. When it arrives, install it in an inadequate space with lots of things to trip over
3. After a while some confused person will turn up from Finance with an asset tag which they will request is stuck on your equipment
4. Give asset tag to a Technician with the coded instruction to 'stick it somewhere sensible'.
a. In the event of your asset being software, affix the asset tag to the forehead of the main user
b. If the asset happens to be an assembly running at 1,000oC ensure the person affixing the tag is wearing gloves
5. At some point in the year, your company's external auditor will send an inappropriately dressed junior trainee to check a random selection of asset tags
(Note: always remember that it's the asset tag they want to see; you just need to make sure it's stuck to something credible)
6. In the event you have lost an asset tag, show the auditor a pile of sub-assemblies and explain that you'd stuck the asset tag to the robot core in the belief that it could never be shipped out as an emergency spare but guess what . . . it's been taken and installed on a warehouse shelf as a contingency spare for 'a key Korean customer'.
17th Jan 2123
Under the eerie flashing amber light the Facilities Manager studied the toxic gas alarm panel.
GAT stood nervously alongside, 'What is it? Chlorine? Carbon monoxide? Not Arsine surely!'
'No, it's worse that that.
'Tell me, are there salesmen on site today?'
'Er, yes, I think there are.'
'Well, the the system is picking up overwhelming levels of aftershave.'
14th Jan 2123
To: Globalbot Filton All
From: IT Adminbot
Subject: Critical Malbot Threats
Pleeae . . . . cgfgdrwsssssretr%£&RE$$$ssss
Critical RebootBot C:\>
8th Jan 2123
TNET 83838383 Part 83)
Customer: Credulous Corp
Globalbot Product: Houdinibot
Serial: Er, um . .
Problem: No robot in crate
Opened crate - no robot!
'Has anyone checked the backorders?'
5th Jan 2123
4th Jan 2123
Meeting Reschedule (Reschedule (Reschedule (Reschedule (Reschedule (Reschedule (Reschedule ) ) ) ) ) ) )
Subject: Time Management Training
From: Temporal Adminbot
This is to inform you that, due to an unforeseen clash, training this session needs to be rescheduled
'Again' added GAT, staring at his wall calendar.
'Looks uncannily similar to a DNA scan.'
'That is a DNA scan. Your wall planner is over there.'
1st Jan 2123
Happy New Year!
We start with some critical questions everyone's asking in 2018
#62 Why are Stormtroopers so useless?
Above - average number of Stormtroopers knocked out by any leading Rebellion character armed with a puny pistol blaster.
#63 Why is Stormtrooper armour so ineffective?
Most Rebellion characters can take a hit, or even several hits, without any armour but still get up and run, shoot back or make
speeches (battles are usually stopped to allow time for this sort of thing).
#64 Is it safe to let Marketing watch Star Wars?
Answer: NO IT ISN'T. It's just too easy to get Hollywood and reality muddled when it comes to overcoming insuperable odds (every time), .e.g.:
'How will we take the shield generator down? There's 50 layers of automated lethal security and 10,000 stormtroopers.'
'I don't know, we'll have to find a way when we get there.'
Luckily for Holywood plots, the Dark Side's defences have usually been designed by a 6-year old with great big buttons to press, no intruder alarms and as for the stormtroopers they just run past in droves until they get shot (see above).
Thinkbot wishes anyone still watching a Happy Christmas and a Prosperous New Year!
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