THINKBLOG   Jan to June 2116

 

Contact Thinkbot @: thinkbot@thinkbot.co.uk

 

Back to current Thinkblog

 

6th June 2116

 

Further to the last post 'DRP -  Disaster Recovery Plan' efforts continue to brainstorm everything that could go wrong. Luckily many things that could go wrong are common to all businesses:

1. Plague

2. Terrorist attack

3. Meteorite strike

4. Fire

5. No electricity

6. Canteen closed for refurbishment

7. etc,

Then one just has to think of disasters unique to the business you're in.

As an example we looked at Lyle's Golden Syrup and found:

 

45. Invasion of factory by ants

48. Invasion by robot ants

53. Invasion of factory by giant ants

79. Invasion of earth by giant alien ants

81. Invasion of earth by mutant giant alien ants

 

22nd June 2116

DRP -  Disaster Recovery Plan

Every credible corporation ought to have one (apparently).

Step 1: Think of everything that could go wrong. This could take a while & one thing that could go wrong is that thinking of what can go wrong goes on forever or consumes the best minds in the business and you go bust.

Step 2: Think about how Globalbot could recover from everything going wrong, 'WE DO THAT EVERY DAY!' yelled one VP just prior to departing for Accident & Emergency (what they were going to do with him no one knows - give him a cup of tea & a biscuit I suppose.)

'There's no alternative,' concluded Graham Cracker CEO, 'The only sure fire solution is to go off-planet.'

Architect's impression of Globalbot's planned off-planet copy exact lunar factory.

(Code name: 'Lunarbots R Us')

 

18th June 2116

 

To: All Daleks

From: The Supreme Dalek 000001

Subject: Reorganisation

Dalek 810028 has decided to pursue an extermination 'opportunity' elsewhere. We wish Dalek 810028 success and thank it for its contributions. Dalek 679221 will assume the responsibilities held by 810028 and 290778 will move into the position vacated by 679221. 724801 will move to 290778 and 904556 to 724801 which will also require temporary reassignment of 205820, 238990 and 811249 into positions currently occupied by 796601, 650433 and 477118. Hopefully this is all clear. Any questions, please contact 135913 in Dalek Resources.

 

                                        

810028 - Moving On    679221 - Promoted

 

14th June 2116

 

'Who's got chocolate cake all over the goat's cheese?' asked Helen, loudly, and rhetorically, for everyone knows it was GAT. You see, Helen and GAT hold diametrically opposed views on cutting chocolate cake and goat's cheese. Helen holds to the conventional isolationist view that a clean knife should be used for each food type that requires cutting and in the event of a knife supply crisis, one simply activates the Dishbot on a short cycle to rectify the situation. Whereas GAT is a econoknifist, arguing against the assumptions of an infinite supply of knives or 100% Dishbot availability (it might be washing something else at the critical moment), and for the case that he's about to eat goat's cheese followed by chocolate cake but was not intending to use different teeth or route masticated mouthfuls to different stomachs. An argument known to philosophers as 'gastric ultimatism'.

These, alas, are just the opening arguments but there is neither time nor space (nor, indeed, willpower) to relate the full discourse here.

 

8th June 2116

The UK Department for Innovation has relaunched itself (again).

'More like the Department for Catching Up,' moaned GAT.

Gist of procedure for applying for an industrial grant is:

1. Find out what the Americans/ Chinese/ Koreans/ Japanese etc. have already developed.

2. Write an hysterical application to the effect if Europe does not urgently develop similar technology then the future 'sons and daughters of Europa will become impoverished slaves.'

3. Get all euro-regions to pester their local governments in unison, and above all ensure Eire, Portugal and Greece are included in the proposed programme.

 

Once successful, the best way to proceed is to outsource the missing technology to the Americans/ Chinese/ Koreans/ Japanese etc., and travel Europe attending progress meetings and working dinner parties.

 

6th June 2116

 

 

This email popped unexpectedly into everyone's inbox today. Software Group have had all leave cancelled in an effort to avert disaster.

 

To: All humans & related species

From: Robot Admin

Subject: Obsolete Revision and Form Fit and Function Holidays

 

Sent on Behalf of the Robocollective of Earth:

Please be informed that all Robots will self-deactivate for Obsolete Revision Holiday on Monday June 8th and Form Fit and Function Day Tuesday 9th June, and will resume on Wednesday June 10th.

 

Meanwhile the drawing office are looking into reactivating all obsolete revisions so that we can at least prevent the obsolete revision holiday. My opinion is that this might lead to a form fit and function disaster much worse than the second holiday the robots seem to have awarded themselves.

 

2nd June 2116

To: Globalbot Support

From: Globalbot Taiwan

Subject: Missing time warps

Dear GLoblot Sport

We missing 20 time warps and delayed many hours in the past. Urgently send time warps. Customer threten to kil us if time warp missing too long into future of Globalbot in Taiwan.

Thank you,

Glolabot Taiwan

 

It took us a while to unravel this one, and then we sent:

and hoped for the best.

 

29th May 2116

 

Globalbot Appoints Clueless Consultancy
Robo-Reuters: Friday 29th May 2116

Filton, Europa -- (BUSINESS WIRE) -- Golbalot.Corp. (LASHDAQ-100), a supplier of advanced robotic equipment and related automated technologies for the global robotics industry, today announced that it has selected and appointed CluelessConsultancy Corp to improve business efficiency.

 

The selection of Clueless by Globalbot surprised industry analysts as they are a specialist image consultancy and have little or no knowledge of the robotics industry.

 

'The reality is that specialist robotics industry consultants we've used in the past have added little value, being genuinely clueless,' stated Graham Cracker, CEO of Globalbot, 'At least with Clueless, who are specialist image consultants, it might look like we are getting somewhere.'

 

The USP of Clueless is their patented 'Wondering Aloud®' software algorithm, which when installed on a suitable robot host, spews out many useful ideas such as:

'Work harder not smarter.'

and

'So, failure was an option after all!' 

 [Are you sure this is right? Ed.]

 

Safe Harbor: Clueless is the sweetest smelling consultancy in the world.

 

18th May 2116

'We're getting water towers on site,' announced GAT.

'What?' we all imagined:

'You know, those ridiculous environmentally dubious plastic things where people can flirt over a ludicrously costly plastic cup of cold water.'

'Ugh.'

 

But a purchasing anomaly left Engineering with loads of bottles but no dispenser . . . it didn't prove an impediment and saved a trip to the gym.

When the dispenser finally turned up, it was discovered that the water bottles had been air-freighted to Malaysia (no one knows why), so engineering implemented an upgrade.

 

15th May 2116

[Phone bleeps]

Thinkbot: 'Hello'

Field Support: 'Er, hello, this is Field Support, could I speak with whoever is responsible for the recent anti-collision software upgrade R14.8.0.SP45?'

Thinkbot:'Yes, that'll be Halfhour, I'll . . . .'

[Thinkbot looks up to see Halfhour madly packing her bag and mouthing 'I'm not here']

Thinkbot: ' . . .just check, ah, no, I afraid you've just missed her. Er, can I help?'

Field Support: 'Well, there's been a few glitches.'

Thinkbot: 'Glitches?'

Field Support:'Yes, a few unexpected collisions.'

Thinkbot: 'I see, how many?'

Field Support:'Well, worldwide, roughly 35 million in the past 24 hours.'

Thinkbot:'Um um um, did you say 35 million?'

Field Support:'Yes, it's quite serious.'

[GAT explodes out of his office red-faced and miming cutting his throat, Thinkbot hits mute.]

GAT: 'I'm declaring protocol Tin Hats Deep Bunker! Someone will be in touch with you about a new identity.'

[The phone bleeps - line 2 is flashing, the display flashes up 'Global Corporate Legal Department']

GAT: 'Aaargh! Quick! Quick! Get out now! Go! Go! Go! Take different exits from the building!'

 

13th May 2116

 

Leverage tailored private cloud individual peer group agile networking alignment in the websphere

'Is it a hoax?' I asked.

'No, no, look at this!' said Earthear.

Receive a year's worth of technical education in one week

'Thinkbot, you could get a Degree and a PhD in less than 7 weeks! Just think of that.'

 

The Full Text:

 

At UK Impact2116, explore alignment of technology to business goals and strategic initiatives and discover innovative ways to transform your business and make it more agile.

These sessions feature presentations that equip you to deliver exactly what your business demands rapidly and efficiently. You can also build knowledge of the latest WebSphere announcements, Business Process Management, Service Oriented Architecture and Cloud solutions at our Technical track while networkung with your peers.  Experience dedicated industry tracks tailored to your needs and interests, strip out cost, improve business processes and better serve your customers and differentiate through business processes, implement Private Cloud and simplify compliance by optimising resources, delivering service excellence and meeting changing multi-sector challenges transforming your organisation plus redefine business agility and streamline operations.

 

  Private Cloud - will be implemented . . . and leveraged, and could do with a little more agility and dexterity. Let's send him.

 

8th May 2116

'Quick!' yelled GAT, 'We're being audited by one of our biggest customers and they want to see our procedures for forecasting robot builds. We could do with a few images to throw into a Powerpunt slide to show how the slot plan works.'

I duly obliged:

 

1st May 2116

To: All Globalbot Filton

From: Globalbot Facilities

Subject: Portable Appliance Testing

Dearest,

Starting 3rd May, the Globalbot Facilities team will be PAT testing electrical equipment throughout the site over the next few weeks.  Please therefore ensure all office-based mains-powered robots, desktop bots, toasters, kettles, hedge trimmers, egg whisks, computers, printers etc are switched off.  If you have any additional equipment that needs testing, please ensure it is left on your desk for testing.

Regards,

Globalbot Facilities

 

'Blast! exclaimed GAT, 'We'll be forced to reveal the existence of our top secret projects!'

 

    

 

25th April 2116

When company names go wrong.

Who'd want to despatch anything with 'Dropbox Shipping Inc'?

Doesn't bring the right image to my mind.

 

18th April 2116

'TECHNOFLAGE! That's what we need,' exclaimed GAT after Manufacturing had once again under the cover of darkness purloined several parts to fill desperate shortages.

Try this - can you spot the useful parts?

Or this - which loom is current issue?

'How about a complete camouflaged robot?' I asked.

'No, no! Don't mention the words 'complete' and 'robot' in the same sentence', they'll be all over it like flies.'

'If they can find it,' I argued.

 

10th April 2116

Some highlights from Health and Safety Training for Managers:

Firstly, the trainer started by asking which member of a circus was most like being a manager.

'A clown!' offered GAT. This was the wrong answer of course, but the temptation was simply too much.

'No, the correct answer is a juggler.' said the trainer acidly (I think he knew at this point he was in for a difficult day).

Later, after a long discussion about risk assessing and making it safe for an operator of a dangerously noisy machine, another manager lost it and blurted,' Why couldn't we employ an operator who's deaf in the first place?' Again, the trainer was not impressed, he made a stern speech about something called ethics but I can't remember the details.

Then there was the manager who asked if a corporate glove puppet had a an accident, and could not be used for over 3 days, whether it was a RIDDOR reportable incident.

Finally, there was the domino effect - where causes of accidents can be logically traced back in time. While discussing an example of an accident investigation from Globalbot GAT stated that the root cause was the human race leaving the African Savannah 100,000 years ago. At least he didn't go back to the big bang.

Then the trainer started crying.

 

7th April 2116

 

4th April 2116

 

MTBBC - Mean Time Between Business Cards.

Two angles to take on this.

Fristly, I use about 1 business card every month, so the usual minimum quantity of 200 will last me 16.7 years. Or they would if I refrained from using then for shopping lists or flossing my joints or stabilising wobbly chairs, tables, desks etc.

Still, I'm in better shape than one engineering colleague I met from another business that had changed name 5 times in 15 years and he'd changed job title several times as well. He reckoned he'd used 180 cards and had over 5,800 spares, approximately 5,764 of which were useless.

'That's a hell of a lot of shopping lists.' he said.

Indeed, if he used 1 for his weekly shop then his supply would last for 110 years.

 

3rd April 2116

 

Butterfly effect

Does the flap of a butterfly’s wings in Brazil set off a tornado in Texas?

Although a butterfly flapping its wings has remained constant in the expression of this concept, the location of the butterfly, the consequences, and the location of the consequences have varied widely.

 

The Globalbot effect

With one click I can cause 100’s of people to leap into action ordering parts that will be late and then hurriedly assembled and shipped just before we realise they’re not needed for that robot and which we’ll never get back for the next robot for which they were actually needed which then knocks on into the revenue plan and news leaks out Globalbot is failing to deliver on time and customers panic and switch orders to Econodroid Inc. and Cyberbots-R-Us Corp. and the Globalbot share price plummets and the investors pull the plug and suppliers walk away and the canteen runs out of eggs etc. etc.

 

26th March 2116

Typical Goofy Management Systems Org Chart

 

I've started my own management consultancy called GMS Limited* (Goofy Management Systems).

The principles are simple:

1. You should treat all incoming internal company information as if it were coming from Goofy.

2. You should tell all internal recipients of your output to receive it as if it were from Goofy.

3. You should treat all suppliers as if they were populated entirely by Goofies and constantly tell them their performance is sub-Goofy-like.

4. You should assume all customers are Goofy (not difficult in my experience), but under no circumstances should they become aware of this assumption.

 

Simple huh? It's a very conservative system as it more or less assumes the worst case of Managerial Universal Goofiness Syndrome (MUGS).

* Emphasis on limited.

 

23rd March 2116

 

Globalbot Implements Hindsight Management Software
Robo-Reuters: Monday 23rd March 2116

Filton, Europa -- (BUSINESS WIRE) -- Golbalot.Corp. (LASHDAQ-100), a supplier of advanced robotic equipment and related automated technologies for the global robotics industry, today announced that it has selected and implemented the HindsightManagement Software package.

 

The Unique Hindsight algorithm reviews new data since decision made and instantly highlights ill-conceived decisions.

 

'It's not gone terribly well,' admitted Graham Cracker, CEO of Globalbot, 'It constantly crashes. Even limiting the Hindsight time to a few hours, the system struggles to keep up with the deluge of management decisions that look dubious within minutes of being made.'

 

The announcement came as no surprise to industry analysts, who have long believed that Globalbot, like many rambling multi-faceted organisations, has no real idea what its doing.

 

Safe Harbor: Globalbot now greatly regrets the decision to implement Hindsight™.

 

20th March 2116

Problems on the shop floor with one of my new robot personality algorithms.

'Thinkbot! Get down here - NOW!' shouted the head test engineer down the blower.

 

'I am shortage free!' announced the half-built robot when I arrived in the test bay.

'It's hopeless,' moaned the test engineer, 'the fault diagnostic isn't working.'

'No no no are not no faults not none!'

'I see,' I lied.

 'Globalbot robot shipments this quarter are approaching 50 billion.'

I was speechless. This looked like a serious fault.

'100% of Globalbot robots ship on time fault free.'

'Looks like you've created a propagandabot,' said GAT, who had sneaked up behind me.

 

After several hours work I had made some progress:

 'All children under ten years old will be given a free espresso and a complimentary puppy.'

'That's what you call progress?' asked the bewildered test engineer.

 

14th March 2116

Always ordering things too late?

Stores items composed entirely of shortages and orphan parts you don't need?

Frequently finding that critical part was simply in the wrong bin?

What you need is Magic ERP - the ERP with the unique algorithm that orders parts before you even know you need them.

'Bollocks!' was GAT's erudite take on this systemic electro-marvel.

'Show me an ERP that orders parts within a month of knowing we need them.'

 

GAT's thought train lurched sideways on a set of neural points, 'Thinkbot, have you ever noticed the resemblance of stores to a Borg cube? You can beam yourself in there and wander around and everyone ignores you, but as soon as you become a threat, say by moving something at random to a different bin, they close in from all angles with lethal force.'

 

11th March 2116

 

Vacancy: Development Engineer, Robotics

Based:  Domestic & Industrial Robot Technology (DIRT) Group, Globlabot Filton, Europa

Salary:  Probably

 

Essential Skills

Excellent network printer repair skills

Reliable member of tea club

Ability to counsel fellow engineers who have lost the will to live

Willingness to eat full English cooked breakfast every Wednesday at approx 10:15am

 

Preferred Skills

PhD in Robotic Neurology, Cranial Nanofabrication, Electromechanical Philosophy, or equivalent

Minimum 25 years experience in a relevant technological environment

Strong person and robot management skills

 

4th March 2116

 

Please gorfive my typin I’m from hunam reresourcesces.

 

3rd March 2116

To: GAT

From: Antspants, Global Finance VP

Subject: Business Process Review

GAT,

I am starting a strategic review of business processes that will require your input.

Best Regards,

Antspants

 

To: GAT

From: Brian Showers, Global IT VP

Subject: Business Process Review

GAT,

I am starting a brainstorm of business processes that will require your input.

Best Regards,

Brian

 

'Uh-oh!' exclaimed GAT, 'Rival parallel initiatives.'

'There'll be a danger of duplication of lack of progress.' I quipped.

'Shut up Thinkbot or I'll leverage your synergies!'

'Oh yeah, you and whose resource shortage then?'

'Even worse, they could merge and cause a strategic brainstorm.'

'Is there a cure?'

 

28th February 2116

 

Lame excuses # 5,027 for not completing a robot build specification on time - 'Can't find my green highlighter.' So much for our dynamic ERP duo:

&

'They're useless!' complained GAT, 'I have to print out parts lists and use highlighters to get anywhere! We should sue Oribal & Cripel for a lifetime supply of paper and highlighters!' 

 

25th February 2116

è

'I don't believe it,' wailed GAT, 'those $^%*&ing perennial meddlers!'

'What's up?' I asked.

'Thinkbot, they're changed all the material safety regulations again! The old symbols are to be replaced with an almost identical set of new ones. And look at this!'

 

Old Safety Phrase

S36 Wear suitable protective clothing, gloves and eye/face protection

 

New Precautionary Phrase

P280 Wear protective gloves / protective clothing / eye protection / face protection

 

'So,' I pithily observed, 'the protective stuff doesn't need to be suitable any more?'

'$%&£%! $%@#^&!', GAT was losing it.

'It does not come into force until June 2121,' I observed.

'Just as well,' GAT spat out, 'Someone might have read the 1,599 page 'Quick Guide to the New Chemical Hazard Regulations' document by then.'

 

23rd February 2116

 

Consternation today as Globalbot UK announced it has outsourced H&S to China. All outstanding risk assessment demands were cancelled and the fire alarm was disabled in the interests of productivity.  

 

18th February 2116

 

Globalbot Launches Total Confusion Product Rationalization
Robo-Reuters: Tuesday 18th February 2116

Filton, Europa -- (BUSINESS WIRE) -- Golbalot.Corp. (LASHDAQ-100), a supplier of advanced robotic equipment and related automated technologies for the global robotics industry, today announced that, after a bewildering sequence of mergers and acquisitions, it had completely lost track of its product lines.

 

'The situation is critical,' admitted Graham Cracker, CEO of Globalbot, 'if our latest data is correct we've been competing against ourselves for some time. And, recently, we have taken several orders for robots we do not manufacture, yet.'

 

The announcement came as no surprise to industry analysts, who have been tracking a sharp rise in mental health problems amongst Globalbot's worldwide sales team including one individual who was found wandering around naked in a hotel in Singapore at the dead of night. 'This initiative cannot come quick enough for my hard-pressed sales force,' commented head of global sales Stephen Ales, 'We just have to get under 4,000 robot product lines to give the sales team and indeed the customer any chance of making the selection that best fits their needs.'

 

Safe Harbor: Ordering a particular robot model does not guarantee that that is what will be delivered. The relationship between the Globalbot sales configurator and the operations manufacturing team is one of almost total disconnect. Consequently deliveries from Globalbot can be complete, incomplete, correct, incorrect, late and very occasionally early. Past random performance is no guarantor of future random performance, but how you could prove that no one knows.

 

13th February 2116

  

 

Globalbot Marketing Procedure #1984

'How to create demand in the past.'

 

1. Create Gantt chart

2. Fill in timescales but do not lock start date

3. When plan fully defined, enter current date for the point you want to be at in the project

4. Check that the past has been autopopulated with the necessary tasks that should have been completed by now

5. Publish to Globalbotnet

 

Globalbotnet will now email the entire project team 'naming and shaming' those responsible for missed task delivery deadlines and demanding immediate attention with the message '!!! PLEASE ADDRESS WITH URGENCY DELINQUENT TASKS: . . . .[list of tasks with missed delivery dates.]

 

'Great system!' muttered GAT through gritted teeth, 'Create demand in the past and then email everyone to tell them they're late.'

 

8th February 2116
 
The Parable of the Budget Variance Analysis

There were once three managers who went unto their VP to undergo budget variance analysis. The first manager was 15% overspent and knew exactly why to mind-blowing level of detail; none of it was his fault. The second manager was 15% under budget and, again, knew why in immense detail; none of it could have been foreseen. The third manager was 1% underspent and had no idea why; he was utterly clueless. The first and second managers came before their VP and, after but a few minutes, the VP spake, 'Away with you, you incompetent fools! Remove thyselves to the ends of the earth and suffer ye not to appear before me again.' The third manager did quake in his boots and let out a few quiet farts, but the VP spoke kindly to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant. Come and join me in corporate paradise!'

 

A Lesson from History

'Give me lucky generals,' Napoleon Bonaparte used to say. The emperor did not trust skill, or training, or brains. He didn't really know why some generals won and some seemed to lose. He chose the lucky ones.

 

'He copped it in the end though at Waterloo,' quipped GAT, 'perhaps he had just one too many lucky generals? Or maybe a competent one slipped through the net onto his staff?'

 
5th February 2116
CO E12972 has been moved by Bot, Think from Pending to Tech Evaluation
for the Modified NEW ECO Workflow A for your review and approval.
Description of Change:
5031933 - MAKE LEFT LEG LONGER
Reason for Change:
LEFT LEG TOO SHORT; ROBOT CAN ONLY LIMP IN CIRCLES
Related Change:
E12856 AFFECTED 5031934 - MAKE RIGHT LEG LONGER
Change Category:
5 ERROR
Change Disposition:
Rework all mixed leg bots in build.
Field Bulletin:
Deny everything. customer to order left left extension kit 5046820.
 

31st January 2116

Consternation at work today after the latest software upgrade for Globalbot Robotic Products was rolled out on the Botsphere resulting in Tech Support receiving 298,051,931 reports of robots suffering from chronic motion sickness within hours.

'Don't we ever test anything?' bellowed one Field Support Manager, drawing on his many  years experience of customer kickings into one fit of Shrek-like rage and scattering terrified engineerlings before him.

Turns out the cause was that R10.7.7.SP46 caused motion sickness in robots with pre-2114 multi-2D gyroscopic sensors made solely by a large subcontractor in Vietnam and which had been installed upside down and then incorrectly loaded with an audio-visual operating system which miraculously ran the motion sensor perfectly well until someone in Engineering noticed and 'fixed it' in R10.7.7.SP46, classifying the change as 'very low risk - minimal testing'.

'I can't tell customers that!' bellowed Shrek.

And so, the problem was handed over to the Ripping Yarn Department, who eventually came up with a credible (in their eyes) cause related to the Coriolis force linked to a juxtaposition of Mars and and Jupiter which no one could have foreseen, least of all Engineering.

Within hours the De-Coriolis Upgrade had been rolled out (for upgrade, read downgrade - i.e. the audio-visual algorithm was back in charge of the motion sensor).

 

27th January 2116

Globalbot Risk Assessment

Activity: Placing head in mouth of lion

Risks:

1. Lion may bite head off.

2. Lion may crush skull.

3. Severe bite wound.

4. Hair may smell of lion breath.

5. Lion may choke to death.

 

Basic Risk

Severity: 8 Single Death

Likelihood: 8 Very Likely

Overall risk score: 64

>16 action required.

 

Control Measures

Sedate lion beforehand (with mouth open).

or Use stuffed lion head.

or Use stuffed human head.

or Delegate to non-essential junior engineer.

 

Reduced Risk

Severity: 1 slight nervous feeling

Likelihood: 1 less likely than winning lottery, twice

 

19th January 2116

 

Apparently we're fast approaching  a 'Globalbot rebranding deadline', where everything has to use the latest font, logo, colour scheme, etc.

'One brand to rule them, one brand to find them, one brand to bring them all and in the darkness bind them,' intoned Doom helpfully.

'Like any organisation we've got strange logos buried everywhere in our engineering data.'' said GAT, 'It always seems like the right thing to do at the time and then there's legacy from takeovers and mergers. Here I'll show you.' GAT delved into the engineering info system:

'These two have appeared on all our circuit boards for decades - we think the first one was a prank, but as for Brace's bread, no one knows how it got in.'

'Why don't you just remove them?'

'What? Up-issue all circuit board revisions since time began? Think Thinkbot! Would you like to spend months preparing and submitting a change 'remove Sooty and Brace's Bread Logos from all Globalbot designs' and which will have to be relayed to every subcontractor? We'd be a laughing stock'

Hmm . . on reflection, maybe not.

 

14th January 2116

To: All at Globalbot Filton

From: Admin

Subject: Wooden Leg Found

 

Hi All,

A wooden leg has been found in the car park. If you have lost one them please check with Gemma at Reception.

 

12th January 2116

Could you work out your own weather warnings? Take this easy test and find out!

 

If it's warm and rains heavily for days on end, there's a risk of:

a.  Snowdrifts

b.  Flooding

c.  Heatstroke

 

If it rains a little bit after a prolonged cold snap, the risk is:

a.  A exceptional spring tide

b.  Ice

c.  Drought

 

In thick fog, the risk is:

a.  High pollen levels

b.  Trees being blown down over roads & structural damage to property

c.  Poor visibility

 

The answers are . . . . (b)  (b)  (c)

Congratulations - if you got those right you are capable of figuring out your own weather warnings.

 

9th January 2116

The Four Horses and the Donkey of the Apocalypse

(An engineering parable)

 

There once was a race and the runners were:

Random Runner

This horse is already running, somewhere, and has been for some time, but nobody knows how fast or in which direction.

Denial

Has died in the starting gate but no one wants to be admit it. Remains a valid entry.

Odds On

Will cruise to victory no problem - if it's allowed to run. But is owned by the track owner, who wants to avoid extra costs and risks of running his own horse in a race organised by someone else.

Belt and Braces

This is the donkey. If all the horses fail for whatever reason, the donkey will win, eventually. No one wants the Donkey to win, not the track owner, nor the race organiser, nor the jockey, nor the spectators (nor I suspect, the donkey).

Antigravity

The horse that must surely exist, it just has to, right?

 

6th January 2116

GAT was asked to summarise what it's like to work in Engineering in a single succinct phrase.

He came up with:  'Ark project delayed by flood.'

 

3rd January 2116

Globalbot Airline Division Secures Multiple Order
Robo-Reuters: Friday 3rd January 2116

Filton, Europa -- (BUSINESS WIRE) -- Golbalot.Corp. (LASHDAQ-100), a supplier of advanced robotic equipment and related automated technologies for the global robotics industry, today announced it had secured a multiple order for its latest wingless 'Ground Hugger' airliner.

 

'We are very pleased with this order for our latest Ground Hugger,' commented Mark Eting VP of the Globalbot Mass Transit Division, 'It shows the immense faith our customers have in us.'

Industry analysts were divided, some pointing out that no previous Globalbot wingless plane product had yet taken off, and that faith was a poor substitute for conventional engineering. Others took a more positive view citing the cost savings and reduced footprint of the wingless concept.

 

When pressed by the sceptical industry press, GAT, Director of DIRT Engineering, admitted that solutions to the chronic lack of lift rumoured to plague the Ground Hugger included greatly extending runways at key airports worldwide so that they all meet up, or laying rails for the Ground Hugger to run along making it something akin to a cramped train.

Safe Harbor: Always remember - the placement of an order does not necessarily mean a product exists. Conversely, not all products sell. Philosophers remain at odds over which is the greater evil - an order for a non-existent product, or an unsalable product that exists.

 

THINKBLOG  - Oct - Dec 2115

 

THINKBLOG  - Jul - Sept 2115

 

THINKBLOG  - Apr - Jun 2115

 

THINKBLOG  - Jan - March 2115

 

THINKBLOG  - Oct - Dec 2114

 

THINKBLOG  - Jul - Sept 2114

 

THINKBLOG  - Apr - Jun 2114

 

THINKBLOG  - Jan - March 2114

 

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