THINKBLOG Jan-Mar 2113
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30th Mar 2113
We've been having a bit of a problem with the supply of hot paddles for one of our cheap and cheerful products - The Fried Eggbot. The manufacturer suddenly announced they can't make them any more (unless they quadruple the price, with cash on order, and buy at least 10,000 with infinite lead time, etc).
This left the Eggbot up the creek without a paddle (as about 373 engineers wittily pointed out).
Anyway, we sent the technical spec and ballpark pricing required to an alternative supplier who immediately gave us a great quote: 'WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? DON'T CALL US!'
28th Mar 2113
I bet you've all heard the story about the passenger who was buying some airline tickets:
Ticketbot, 'Where would you like to fly to today sir?'
Passenger, 'I'll have a ticket to wherever my luggage is going.'
Well, what happens when a customer in Taiwan who has purchased a service contract phones up the Support Line and rants, 'Your engineer's luggage has been cluttering up our reception area for 3 days, but there's no sign of the engineer!'
A frantic on-line search by Globalbot Human Resources quickly revealed that, officially, the luggage was in Anchorage, Alaska, and the Engineer in Memphis Tennessee, but that both had confirmed onward flights to Amsterdam and Buenos Aires respectively within the next 24 hours. Since the luggage was clearly not in Anchorage HR assumed that the engineer was probably not in Memphis.
'Why hasn't he called in?'
muttered an exasperated engineer on the Globalbot Tech
We all feared the worst - heart attack, some sort of accident, spontaneous combustion, or perhaps being held hostage in a hotel by a malfunctioning Erotibot.
Then, news! The poor soul was, apparently, still in Terminal 5 at Heathrow trapped in the lounge at gate 23 waiting for boarding to commence. (At least his right index finger was, since it had been logged entering the departure lounge but had never left.)
25th Mar 2113
Experienced one of those rare moments in life when one has to admit a salesman has had a truly sublime idea. It happened in Homebot when Helen and GAT went looking for a new cooker. After the usual opening lines:
Helen: 'What do you think of this one.'
GAT: 'Yes, it's fine.' (= Can we go home now)
Helen: 'Oh look! How about this one?'
GAT: 'What was wrong with the first one?' (= We could have gone home already)
Then it happened.
GAT, 'Hey! This one's a beer fridge!'
In fact every fifth cooker was an identical beer fridge, full of beer (but sadly locked).
And thus, 25 minutes later, when Helen was desperately wanting to move on and inspect several hundred thousand cookers at Domestibot-It-All, did we find ourselves in a queue of happy-clappy husbands each ordering an identical beer fridge.
23rd Mar 2113
Strange visit by some Korean customers today. After the usual introductions Mark Eting, our VP of Globular Marketing, gave them some possible options for their visit, 'Right, what would you like to start? We could:
- Go into the DIRT Product development area and view a Weldbot in operation, or
- Review our Technical Support and Spares operations, or
- Go on a tour of our state-of-the-art Manufacturing set up.
But we're flexible, this is your visit, we're here to make it what you need it to be.'
'We like would to go to JJBot to buy Robofoot shirts.'
Mark was flabbergasted, and the usual smooth facade cracked a tad, 'What?'
The dead pan Korean persisted, 'Please we go to buy Robofoot shirts.'
'Er, well, okay.'
'And after JJBot on way back can please we go to TESCOBOT ?'
Later, GAT reflected on this bizarre incident, 'I think we must have picked up the wrong party of Koreans at the airport.'
20th Mar 2113
HOW'S MY DRIVING SUBROUTINE?
Saw this sign on the back of a dilapidated and severely dented delivery Robovan the other day.
One can only conclude the polite answer is 'Actually, not very good I'm afraid.'
(I have been barred from writing the impolite answer.)
18th Mar 2113
Nursery Crisis Looms as Stern Bear Goes Bankrupt
A sense of panic descended on nurseries and infants schools across the globe today after a before-market press release stated that Stern Bear Inc had filed for bankruptcy. Stern Bear, the world's leading manufacturer of disciplinary Toddlerbots, is a surprise casualty of the credit auto-crisis generated by loans approved by defective Bankbots. The defect, a dysfunctional sub-routine that should have verified loan securities actually had some value, or the recipient some income, or even that the loan recipient actually existed, has led to Bankbots lending huge sums to anyone who asked for a loan, even known criminals. One of whom has allegedly and famously quipped, 'We used to have to break into banks to get money, now we just ask for a loan.' However for the childcare sector, the demise of Stern Bear not good news. 'It's a disaster,' said Miss Toddy Lure, who runs a nursery in Portishead near Bristol, 'without Stern Bear to menace the children I don't see how we can possibly maintain discipline.'
15th Mar 2113
Accompanied GAT on a mission to purchase a new Slugbot for the garden after our old Slugbot got stepped on by the Hortibot last autumn. We were, as ever helped by a fresh-faced young sales assistant who looked like he should have been at school.
'A new Slugbot sir? Certainly. What Slug extermination method do you prefer - granular salt cannon, taser e-killer, or a de-gastropodic molluskulator dehydrator? Or maybe the more humane Slugapult if you have some wasteland within range. Our basic Slugapult has a range of 15 metres, but we have more powerful models like the Slug Howitzerbot with ranges up to 3 kilometres. Then, of course, we must not forget the painless Pelletbot option recommended by EU Directive . . . '
(My mind started drifting . . . who'd want to fire a slug 3 km? . . . What happens if you get some irate person at the door one day, 'You've been bombarding my house with slugs for the last 2 summers, I had to pay a ballistics expert to work out where they were coming from!')
. . . Sir? Which option would you like? Sir? Sir?'
GAT woke up with a start, 'What! Ah, yes. Look, I just want a simple Slugbot that gets rid of slugs. Which is the cheapest?'
The Sales Infant looked crestfallen, 'The simple vertical gravity-fed salt-dropper.'
'Good, I'll have one of them please.'
'Of course sir, but would you like the Patio & Path, Lawn or All Terrain version?'
GAT looked panic-stricken, 'Um, patio, no, no, Lawn, no, hang on, All Terrain.'
'Right, great! Can you identify what types of slugs you have in your garden?
'Er, no idea, why on earth do you need to know that?'
'Market research to enable us to continuously update our product offering, sir.'
GAT was getting exasperated 'Look, why can't you just give me the Slugbot and I'll give you some money and we can all get on with our lives.'
'Of course sir,' (Sales Infant close to tears), 'but remember even the basic Slugbot has over 1 million bleep tones and 450 bodywork colours to chose from.'
'I'll have default tones and colours.'
The Sales Midget consulted the chart, and his lower lip started trembling, 'I'm awfully sorry, but default is not listed as an option on this model . . . how about Singing Garden Gnome? That's a popular choice and suits most gardens.'
(Mind drift part 2 . . . A cornucopia* of slugs is being pursued by a garden gnome-shaped Slugbot singing 'All Things Bright and Beautiful'. I can hear the slugs screaming in terror, and that's before the salt starts raining down from the Gnome's downward oriented orifices.)
13th Mar 2113
How come a technical genius can't operate a piece of technology operated by small children?
Was in the car with GAT the other day when he tried to call Helen on the hands-free mobile. He got the answerphone, which set him off on a rant, 'Helen, I don't know why you have a mobile! You never have it on and never answer even when it rings!' CLICK!
Seconds later, the phone gave an answer phone message alert. GAT pressed the listen option whereupon his own voice boomed out of the car speakers, 'Helen, I don't know why you have a mobile! You never have it on and never answer even when it rings!'
10th Mar 2113
As with the classic Venn diagram, Sales and Marketing always assume there is a region where all the multitudinous requirements inflicted upon a Robot design brief overlap. Alas, Engineering frequently have to work with the awful truth:
*The reader is reminded these diagrams are for illustrative purposes only; real Globalbot Design Briefs are normally expressed mathematically in 19 dimensions.
8th Mar 2113
After a recent Globalbot 'All Hands (& Actuators)' Webcast and Q&A session by Graham Cracker, Doom was heard to mutter, 'How stupid does a question have to be before a CEO doesn't say, 'That's a really great question, thank you for asking that.'
One of our accounts ladies nearly succeeded after asking about the company supplying free chocolate biscuits to all employees.
6th Mar 2113
GAT had to present progress to the Globalbot North Americana CEO, Graham Cracker, over a web teleconference. I'll spare you the technical detail, suffice it to say we had (miraculously) nothing but good news to report. And so, as GAT reached the crescendo of good news he paused for some well-deserved CEO adulation.
Silence . . . . . .
GAT's boss, Wendy Bafers, took the risk of provoking a response, 'Any comments Graham?'
'Er, Graham's just gone to the bathroom, let's move on.'
5th Mar 2113
GAT appeared as white as a sheet in the office today.
'What's up?' I asked.
'I've been told to generate a succession plan and that it has to be in place by August.'
'Why, what's going to happen to you in August?'
'That's what I thought, so I asked the HR Adminbot.'
'What did it say?'
'We are covering the likelihood you will be run over by a bus.'
2nd Mar 2113
Great advice from IT today - 'blah, at least 20 digits, blah, upper case, blah, lower case, blah, for example Y%Ws*D&dQSg£eL&![} , blah, but, by far the most secure technique is to use a password you cannot remember.'
1st Mar 2113
All our Electrical Production Wirebots crashed last night after an announcement about a 'Single-Ended Cable Project'. Turned out all the cable lengths in their data lookup tables had been overwritten with '∞/2', but that wasn't the actual cause of the crash. No, the Storebots realised there was not enough cable in stores so they had free-issued some gaskets and other useful bits to a Facilitibot in exchange for it pulling the plug on the whole of Electrical Production.
28th Feb 2113
There's nothing I hate more than a High Moral Ground Email from Sales.
Two years ago we promised our laundrette customers a 40% increase in Washbot speed coupled with a 50% reduction in cost of ownership. I am saddened to have to remind everyone that Globalbot has not delivered. Many of our customers selected Globalbot based on the aggressive, but realistic, Washbot technology roadmap we presented during our hugely successful world class sales operation. I am sorry to say this, but we have broken our word and are rapidly losing the trust of our customers. I fear we are unlikely to see any more significant Washbot orders.
General Manager, Globalbot Sales
If you can think it, we can automate it!
The reaction from the DIRT Group was predictable:
'But we knew two years ago that the current Washbot design was 15 years old and mostly obsolete. I'm just amazed there are any still running.'
'Our own sales team believe our own roadmaps?'
'Yippee, great news, no more Washbot orders!"
'Perhaps we ought to have diverted engineering off our strategic projects to work on a futile Washbot Improvement Programme (WIP)?'
'Customers believed our Washbot roadmap? Well then, they deserve to suffer.'
'Ah, that wasn't the roadmap where Marketing said, 'Of course, we all know there's little chance of delivering on this, especially with an obsolete product and no engineers to work on it, but we have to be aggressive to stay in the game, and Sales are fully aware of this.''
'You should have got them to write that down.'
'Marketing can write?!'
25th Feb 2113
Marvellous sales and marketing moment today. When asked about the chances of landing a key order, the Marketing reply was, '75 : 40'. 'Pah!' replied Sales contemptuously, 'We judge it to be 110: -20.' Engineering's input came from GAT, '20 : 80', to which Marketing reacted dismissively, 'That's pathetic, it doesn't even add up to a 100!'
24th Feb 2113
Today's blog is taken from the Holy Book of Rantinations, Chapter 45, verses 7-12 (Authorised Version)
'7Woe woe woe! All is woe. Woe is and was and evermore shall be, unto the ends of the corporation. 8And then I fell down as if I was in a trance, but alas I wasn't, for, rising out of the eternal sapphire sea, I beheld a thousand failed Sub-Aquabots surfacing before me. 9Three held in their right hands a golden fault report; one held its fault report over its eyes; one held its fault report over its feet; and one held its fault report over its non-existent private parts; but calamity calamity, 997 seemeth to have lost their fault reports or perhaps, had never had them filled out in the first place. 10Then a voice of thunder spoke from behind me, 'NO FAULT FOUND. A THOUSAND TIMES NO FAULT FOUND!' I turned and beheld the Angel of Reliability descending from a cloud, and I fell face down in terror at its feet. 11'Fear not,' the Angel said unto me, 'all these chosen 'bots before thee wilt be returned to stock and sold once more to the evil ones who hath returned them without justifiable cause.' 12And I worshipped the Angel, 'Blessed be thou O thou robust Angel of mitigating refutation. Hail thy matchless armoured belly-down omnipotence for all eternity.'
This is the corporate vision, thanks be to Globalbot, confusion without end, Amen.
21st Feb 2113
You probably know about the safety drill where two Scuba divers share one mouthpiece during an emergency. Well, there's a similar routine in robotics where two robots have to keep themselves 'alive' with one battery. In the lab we test the ability of robo-personalities to co-operate like this over a set obstacle course. During a recent test two 'bots ended up dropping their battery down a drain cover. We found them frozen on all fours staring down through the cover. Luckily, the test bots have a temporary permanent memory fitted so we can figure out what happened. We needn't go into much detail here, but it is worth noting the last message sent between them before total power loss was an encouragingly humanlike: 'YOU IDIOT!'
18th Feb 2113
The Globalbot version of this rule (as applied to communication): For every 90 things you get told 10 times there are 10 things you desperately needed to know but which 90 colleagues spookily all failed to communicate.
16th Feb 2113
Further to the blog of 13th Feb, Globalbot France has now submitted its customer visit report which rated our visit as 'Very Successful - Primary Sales Objective Achieved.' The justification for this rating is one of the three possibilities listed below:
1. The customer spontaneously issued a press release acknowledging Globalbot as The Leading World Class robot supplier.
2. During the main meeting the customer provided, for the first time in any meeting with Globalbot, complimentary coffee and chocolate croissants.
3. Globalbot simply weren't allowed to leave the site without a hard copy blanket multi-robot purchase order.
14th Feb 2113
I wish. If you have ever wondered about my roboromantic life - don't ask.
13th Feb 2113
Hello again. I've been off on a trip with GAT to visit a vital customer in France. One of the things that always crops up is a discussion of the so called 'Robot Technology Roadmap' which maps out the timescales of our future robo-products (along the lines of a cast iron surety - i.e. if we don't hit the millstones (sic) on the roadmap then it's clearly reality that's at fault). They quite often contain geometric progressions where everything gets an order of magnitude faster every 2-3 years or so until all matter in the known universe is moving at the speed of light (which I think Marketing genuinely believe will happen - them being confirmed entropy sceptics 'n all).
Anyway, GAT's take on roadmaps is that he figures out his likely retirement date and then scoffs at any technology beyond that date. I fear this path can only lead to him becoming a total menace as time passes as evidenced by a recent comment:
'When I was a young engineer, I used to hate roadmaps, but now I think they're quite fun.'
9th Feb 2113
Today was a day that will go down in Globalbot DIRT folk lore.
For 18 months, we've been battling with a Futurebot development, trying to build a working prototype in time to demonstrate, live, to a strategic customer at 1pm 9th Feb 2113!!!
The prototype in question had survived so many holes in the wrong place, delivery delays, faulty parts, on the hoof rework, and other NDEs (near death experiences), that we'd dubbed it 'Advanced Scrapyard Challenge Bot' (or Scrappy for short).
And so, it transpired that the first time Scrappy would be powered up and run was at 12:56pm 9th Feb 2113, live in front of said strategic customer. If Scrappy did not work perfectly, then there'd 'be hell to pay', and certain senior managers might have offered up for slaughter.
So, we prepared to pay hell and organised an office sweep on the probable slaughter candidates, because the chances of Scrappy working perfectly were, well, no bookie would give you odds.
But Scrappy did work perfectly, like perfectly, like he out-performed even his hopelessly optimistic marketing spec.
GAT was stunned, and more than a little worried, 'What have we done? Which of the myriad cock-ups made Scrappy perform this well? I'm not sure we can build another one.'
This confirmed my view on prototypes - the natural response of the responsible engineer is always gnawing angst irrespective of the outcome of the verification testing.
6th Feb 2113
Whenever Robots go wrong at Globalbot do we:
a) Have a pleasant little gathering and discuss things over a cup of tea?
b) Say, 'Oh well, we can't win 'em all. Better luck next time.'
c) Or instigate . . . .
Let me give you a corporate clue:
4th Feb 2113
In the event a customer threatens to penetrate the Globalbot 'Wool Over Eyes' (WOE) Policy, we are told that the first response should always be to increase the quality and density of the wool. In severe cases, darkroom quality wool is available from stores.
2nd Feb 2113
Globalbot Robot International Procedure: Escalation (GRIPE),
1. Field Service registers problem with Robot in the field
2. <12 hours, the relevant Globalbot Robot Technical (GROT) Support Group log problem.
3. <24 hours, notify relevant Engineering Group (i.e. DIRT, if it's one of our robots misbehaving)
4. <36 hours, notify next manager up
5. <48 hours, notify next manager up
[. . . . .]
15. <168 hours, notify next manager up
16. <180 hours, commence search pattern for appropriate VP
17. <192 hours, slip note under door of appropriate General Manager
18. <204 hours, get CEO out of bed and try to explain why a customer has overdosed
19. Write polite email to CEO explaining why it took nearly 2 weeks for this news to filter through
20. ~ End of time, notify God*
* God may already know of course, and any engineer or manager can seek to short-circuit the escalation procedure through prayer#.
# See Globoprocedure 420-24927803 'Policy for invoking deities in severe Robot-down scenarios.'
31st Jan 2113
This is the answer given by a Globalbot ITbot when asked about the fix for a minor anomaly in the CRIPEL™ - ORIBLE™ interface void (wherein information appears to evaporate in contradiction with all known theoretical physics).
Anyway, GAT was really quite pleased, 'It'll be fixed by twenty past nine this evening. That's a result!'
The rest of us had a horrible feeling though, and it turned out we were right - the target for the fix was the year 2120 A.D.
'7 hours? No sorry, we meant 7 years.'
29th Jan 2113
There's a manager at Globalbot that makes 99% of decisions based on gut feeling:
'I've got a gut feeling the new Chefbot will be ready 6 months ahead of schedule as planned*.'
'My gut feeling is that something's gone wrong, somewhere, and we need to think about it.'
'The customer will give us the PO, even though all the facts say otherwise, I can feel it in my guts.'
(*Yes, we also puzzled over how something can be 'six months early as planned'.)
Not to scale
A risk assessment triggered by the advent of the latest Nogovirus made us realise how dependent we were on this prescient gut, so to avoid having to dress up every time we need a decision our multitalented software engineer, Pot Noodle, has started work on a remote access interface.
Gut Management User Portal V1.0.a.rev01.DEV
27th Jan 2113
Further to the discussion of NDA last time, I offer an example of another key document in the business world - The Memo of Misunderstanding.
Newswire 27 January 2113: Globalbot, a worldwide leading producer of industrial and domestic robots, announced today that an inconclusive approach had been agreed with Worldbot (Ed. I thought it was Econodroid) to discuss some, all, or none of conflicting exclusive and non-exclusive intellectual property and other alleged licensing anomalies. The agreement might provide that Globalbot is obligated to use commercially unreasonable efforts on the earlier of not achieving certain non-commercializationable targets before 15 months ago or of later junctures if acceptable to all parties. Mark Eting, VP Marketing Globalbot commented, 'I've absolutely no idea what this all means, but remain confident it is in the best interest of all parties concerned.'
Next time we'll discuss: Customers and the Letter of Discontent.
25th Jan 2113
Like most companies, Globalbot has an NDA policy (NDA = Non-Disclosure Agreement). NDAs are usually comprise about 20 pages of legal mumbo-jumbo that keeps occupants of smart suits in grossly overpaid jobs. In a moment of genius, Doom cut through all this with a greatly simplified NDA concept:
'If you breathe a word of this to anyone, we'll kill you.'
You've got to admit it's succinct, difficult to misinterpret, and to the point.
23rd Jan 2113
It was just a small typo that the auto-speller corrected, but it self-replicated instantly via GAT's e-Business card worldwide. What it should have said was:
Director, Domestic and Industrial Research Technology Group
Alas, what it actually said was:
Dictator, Domestic and Industrial Research Technology Group
And, in short form: GAT, Dictator of DIRT
21st Jan 2113
Hmmm . . . not looking too good on the share price front. The bright engineers have fitted logarithmic functions to the above chart and conclude we'll be making a 3o soft landing descent on 0.01 Globo sometime in late 2113.
Applying the trend to the economy at large we should be re-entering the late stone age midway through 2147.
'That's great news!' shouted GAT, punching the air, 'My retirement should coincide with the age of steam.'
If only time could run backwards . . . .
18th Jan 2113
Well, what can I say? Words fail me. This is just the sort of abomination that gets built when no one checks the drawings, or inspects the parts before assembly, or puts a tick in the 'First Article' design tickbox on CRIPEL™.
16th Jan 2113
Can't cope when your cat passes away? Fear not, Globalbot has the purrfect product for you.
Apparently, the really heroic salesmen are the ones who can sell anything, but even they blanched at the Marketing launch of Catbot.
14th Jan 2113
Sales & Marketing phasers.
How do I know?
Well, military ones don't have settings like: 'Bluff'; 'Stall'; 'Close the Order'; or 'Service Contract'.
There's little in this life more impressive than a Globalbot sales and marketing battlegroup striding into hostile customer territory, drawing their weapons and following the instructions of the Area Sales Manager, 'Gentlemen, set your weapons to belly up, and good luck.'
12th Jan 2113
How come fictional characters like Captain Picard can walk up to an unknown piece of complex equipment or an alien spaceship and instantly know how to operate it whilst yelling things like: 'I'm cross-transfiguring the flux-plasma megatilometers to semi-automatic!'
In the real world you could park intelligent people in front of the simplest Globalbot Robot programming interface and they wouldn't have the faintest idea what to do for days and days.
The Hollywood Script
Captain Picard beams onto the bridge of the Romulan Warbird, lowers the shields, and powers down all weapons and propulsion systems. Whilst doing this he is constantly talking techno-mumbo jumbo with Geordi back on the Enterprise. The confrontation is over and they can move onto the chummy little 2-minute cameo at the end of the film.
The Globbywood Version
Captain Picard beams onto the bridge of the Romulan Warbird, but cannot make head nor tail of the ship's control interface. Disguising himself as a Romulan he goes to the on-board training officer and, in broken Romulan, asks about availability of training courses. He is given a 'Training Request Form' (in Romulan) and told 'nothing will happen without a budget'.
(At this point it is suggested the cinema lights are raised and the audience told to go home and call regularly to check the progress of the plot)
After several months Picard's Romulan has improved enough to fill out the form and he has managed to deduce a budget code by submitting multiple material requisitions to the ship's storeroom on a trial and error basis.
(The audience are recalled at this point)
Presenting himself once again to the training officer he is, alas, informed that all the on-board courses have been cancelled as the Warbird training simulator had been sold to the Federation in a dodgy second-hand deal that involved the Romulans receiving sensitive human data on how to avoid supposedly highly intelligent species all having the same hair style.
However, Picard is told he can go and train Romulus itself on the back of a United Galaxies (UG) grant, but this will take a few months to come through.
(Audience go home)
On arrival at Romulus Picard finds the training courses are booked for the next six months solid.
(Audience are notified via email)
Eventually, Picard gets onto the 'Warbird Basic Operation' course and returns to the original scene in the film. However, he finds that the Warbird operating system has been upgraded in the meantime and he's missed the ship-wide conversion training sessions.
(Audience are notified via email that, regretfully, there is no hope that a viable plot can now be recovered in any reasonable timescale and that the movie is being recalled. They will receive a full refund and 10 Globos of complimentary Pop Corn vouchers as compensation.)
10th Jan 2113
Whilst wandering around TESCOBOT the other day I got to wondering about the reassuring sign in fruit and veg -
Carefully Selected Bananas
So, where do all the carelessly selected bananas end up?
Today, I am pleased to say I can reveal the answer - they end up in the Globalbot canteen.
6th Jan 2113
GAT in more Globalbot hot water today.
Globalbot Marketing VP: 'I know we need this like a hole in the head given our current workload, but I really think we need to develop an geosynchronous orbital Spacebot.'
GAT: 'That's a non-brainer, I opt for the hole in the head.'
5th Jan 2113
GAT's Words of Corporate Wisdom #293721 - How to Spot a Techno-Airhead
Offer the potential airhead a choice along the lines of:
'We can either supply a Digbot that can dig an 8:1 aspect ratio trench at a rate of 0.3 ms-1, or a 20:1 aspect ratio trench at 0.085 ms-1.'
Airhead answer: 'Great, thanks, I'll tell Sales to say we can supply 20:1 at 0.3 ms-1.'
2nd Jan 2113
Oops! Logged into GlobalbotNet for the first time since 20th Dec, only to find that our rather right-wing electronic timesheet Net Agent had taken out a contract on me.
1st Jan 2113
Happy New Year!
GAT's announced his 2113 new year resolution - 'To be less stressed'.
To aid him in this laudable aim, Gerald spent minutes hunting down the above shown 'Stress Reduction Kit' on Googlebot. Easily installed in seconds for all working environments.
(Small print: User needs to be conscious for stress reduction to be effective; not suitable for animal species or robot designs with no head; head must be exoskeleton type and made of bone or a suitable metal or composite; not suitable for robots with glass skulls or humans that have previously been diagnosed with a fractured skull).
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