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THINKBLOG

 

7th July 2125

Copy exact training

 

Exit Test

Q1: Are all the robots below copy exact?

 

Q2: What's the difference between a green and a black robot? If the robot was a Helpbot for a blind person, would they be copy exact?

 

Q3: By extension, if the robots had non-identical parts in the 4th dimension which a 3- dimensional entity could not detect, does that invalidate copy exact?

 

Q4: Does copy exact require parts to be stoichiometric and have the same number of atoms? 

 

Q5: Does copy exact mean identical or exactly the same?

 

Q6: If your test score is not copy exact 100% then you must retake the test using non-copy exact answers

 

6th July 2125

Have you seen the new air bridge?

 

30th June 2125

 

25th June 2125

GAT was all set for his monthly team meeting. His PABot by his side, ready to project his slides and minute the meeting.

There were some critical items on the agenda to resolve.

What? No, not now! QUIT!

He shut his eyes and tried to calm his nerves and get his heart rate down, opening them just in time to see:

Aarrgh. No! Stop!

 

Twenty minutes in, at a crucial point, the screen went blank and . .  . .

Oh for f&*ks sake WAKE UP!

10 minutes later

Then  . . .

Followed by:

An engineer helpfully plugged it in.

Seconds later he wished he hadn't.

Meeting ended chaotically after 39 minutes

 

17th June 2125

 

Please will the owner of white car registration YEW83TRNK please be so kind as to park elsewhere tomorrow so that the hortibot can trim the tree.

Thank you for your cooperation,

Adminbot

 

16th June 2125

 

 

The all-day training course had barely been going 10 minutes when a ruckus broke out among the Marketing group attendees.

The trainer meandered towards them 'What seems to be the problem?'

'This is unacceptable! Failure is not an option!'

 GAT buried his head in his hands. It looked like it was going to be a long day.

'I don't understand' said the bewildered trainer 'This is a course about understanding and controlling the impact failure has in complex systems.'

'HERESY!' yelled Mark Eting, VP of Global Product Presence, placing his hands over his ears.  His acolytes followed his lead and started chanting in unison 'Failure is not an option.  Failure is not an option. Failure is not an option. Failure is not an option.  . .  .. '

As one they rose to their feet and moved rhythmically towards the meeting room door.

'But, but, .  .  .' spluttered the goggle-eyed trainer.

'Let them go' GAT hissed at him 'they're harmless.'

Then, in one of the most marvelous moments of GAT's career, the door burst open and a CaterBot came hurtling in and rammed the tea trolley it was pushing straight into the groin of the VP of Global Product Presence 'Failure is - OOORFF!'

 

It later transpired that the forward facing collision sensor had FAILED in an unforeseen MODE with the EFFECT of pole-axing a VP. After a brief ANALYSIS GAT awarded the responsible design engineer a Muttley.

The smile was soon wiped from his face after a 5 hours mass form-flling visit from the H&S Droid Swarm

 

13th June 2125

 

9th June 2125

 

'When did Marketing want that response by?'

'6 o'clock today'

'Right, it's ten now, so 8 hours. How long did the previous one take?'

'6 weeks'

'Right! Ah, I see, er, um . . .'

 

 

'I think failure is an option.'

'A dead cert I'd say. Let's go and get some toast. Best not to rush things.'

 

 

6th June 2125

 

30th May 2125

 

28th May 2125

 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

Have mercy on us Oh Relentless Sun.

Preserve us from those that preach it as 'lovely' or 'glorious',

Give unto us our daily cloud, even if it is a puny wisp, and may the contrails multiply,

Bringeth us some precipitation that it might be cold and wet,

That the miserable human reptiles may be placated,

For ever and ever until it floods again,

Amen

 

   

          Britain HOW IT WAS                                 Britain NOW

 

26th May 2125

 

23rd May 2125

Globalbot Managerial Talent Matrix (GMTM)

Please place your manager accordingly

 

16th May 2125

 

Thinkbot recommended ugly spots where you don't need to be a lert:

Thinkbot challenge - Go to ugly spot & find someone you can stay 2m away from.

 

8th May 2125

 

3rd May 2125

   

Percy Knell, VP of HR, was in a bad mood. He'd been reviewing training needs identified by Globalbot employees for hours and he'd had enough. So he was less than amused to come across GAT's request for 'Advanced Circus Skills.'

Percy reached for the 'reject request' button.

I mean what relevance did slapstick comedy, multi-object juggling and working with large wild beasts have to Globalbot?

Percy's hand hesitated and started wavering . . . .

 

 

2nd May 2125

TV Listings

Sport-Football

        

        

In the continued absence of live football, join Gary Goalhanger, Alan Woodman and Ian Rong for Debate of the Day #83

The 10 Greatest Canine Moments in Football

Tonight at 10:15pm after the news.

Next Week: The 10 Greatest Shorts-Off Moments in Football

 

27th April 2125

 

22nd April 2125

 

Captain's log, stardate 8383.38. the Enterprise remains under the working from home directive from Star Fleet Command.

 

Scene:  The bridge of the USS Enterprise.

Dr McCoy: It's just not the same Jim.

Kirk:  Turn your video on doctor!

McCoy: Dammit Jim! I'm a doctor not an IT technician.

Kirk:  Video on, that's an order doctor.

McCoy:  Not until you find a decent seat for my monitor.

Kirk: (muttering) remind me to relocate the good doctor back to sick bay next time there's anyone on board.

Spock:  Gladly Captain

 

18th April 2125

Let's meet our next contestant. And your names is?

GAT

And what's your occupation?

Director of robot engineering

And your chosen specialist subject is?

Answering daft questions about robot engineering

Your two minutes starts now. What happens if a 400V supply is applied to a 200V robot?

It'll blow up

Correct. If an axillary equipment cabinet is placed 50m away from the robot, what length cables are required to connect it up?

50m

Correct. If a robot contains a rotational device with enough kinetic energy to lift one tonne 500m vertically, how would you describe it?

Downright dangerous.

Correct. What type of socket does a DF72.8 plug mate to?

A DF72.8.

Correct. What information is needed to identify a component?

The part number

Correct. If all else fails, what should you do?

Look in the manual

Correct. In the Greek pantheon which god looks after the robotics industry?

Thalia, god of comedy

Correct. How does Babel Fish translate the phrase 'the robot is back in production'?

The back of the robot is in production

Correct. In the robotic industry map of the world, where does the Far East start?

Ipswich

Correct. Who is 'the customer that cannot be named?

Pass

Correct. What's the earliest phase of a new product that can be shipped to a customer?

The drawings

Correct.

BEEP BEEP BEEP

At the end of the specialist round you have scored 15 points.

How's that 15?

 

17th April 2125

Working from home barefoot.

 

 

Day 1                                Day 83

 

11th April 2125

 

      

World Health Organisation advice to the public

Government guidelines

Mind-numbing videos of model trains

NHS guidelines

Public Health Advice

 

10th April 2125

 

7th April 2125

 

'Hell's Bells! Even the DALEKs are toeing the line.'

 

5th April 2125

         

Scene: The bridge of the USS Enterprise.

Mr Sulu: Captain, long range sensors have detected . . er, um. .  .

Captain Kirk: Come on man, spit it out!

Mr Sulu: It's  . .  .er.  . it's a giant computer monitor captain.

Kirk: What? On screen!

  

 

Dr Spock: Captain, sensors show it's a random Quantum Video Conferencing anomaly. It's paging us with a meeting ID.

Kirk:  That's that Picard guy from the future top left, and he's probably droning on about the Prime Directive and lecturing everyone else to make it so.

Spock: I recommend we decline and withdraw captain.

Kirk:  Agreed . . . No, wait! Who's the doll in the top right?

Awkward silence

McCoy:  Jim! Godammit! You can't put the entire ship and her crew at risk just to get a quick snog.

Kirk:  No? Watch me. Enter the meeting ID Mr Sulu.

 

1st April 2125

 

GAT looked over Thinkbot's shoulder, 'Boy, I'm glad I'm not on that call.'

 

31st March 2125

Shopping in Isolation Order 83

GAT attempts to add beer to the list

               

Bing bong bing bong, bing bong bing bong, bing bong bing bong

Fumble 'B&##er!'

Opal has shared a note 'Shopping List' with you

GAT clicked on the link

You do not have permission to view Shopping List

$%&&@! Aaaargh!  I can't see it!

Click on this link

Click

Enter this code

Fumble bleep beeleep bleep whooop!

Invalid entry, please try again

Fumble bleep bleep beep whooop!

Triple Level authentication required

'IT'S A $&**"## SHOPPING LIST!

 

26th March 2125

 

WORKING FROM HOME - DAY 83

Daily Log

Date: this twenty sixth day of March in the year of our LORD two thousand one hundred and twenty five

Got up, made cup of tea and digestives to dunk, went back to bed, took laptop with me

 

Connect to e-meeting but didn't enable video, or microphone

Didn't say anything and no actions on me - brilliant start to the day 

Got up in dressing gown for half past nineses

Shower and get dressed (no socks)

Check email - 459 new messages!

Deleted over 100 without opening them - EXHAUSTED!

Stop for Elevenses

Scythe through the rest of the email and whittled it down to 23 with serious content - leave them for tomorrow.

Reviewed yesterday's 'serious email' deleted several and flagged the rest as 'To Do'.

Lunch!

With just a half glass of wine . . . the top half - drink the bottom half later.

Dip into:

Watch some training videos, explore features and spend an hour wondering what to do with my new knowledge.

Tea-time!

Make a list of tasks for tomorrow.

Joined weekly Production Plan Review via Wham (topped that wine up beforehand )

Couln't undstand wot was priroties, hic, zslot zslippage . .

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

22nd March 2125

 

18th March 2125

 

Work From Home Special

 

 

#1.  The Ideal. Beautiful people, white-walled sunlit airy room, discrete potted plant & token books, fully absorbed multitasking, cappuccino at the ready. No dogs, children, old people.

 

 

#2.  Cause for Concern. Dark room. Secretive. Weird.

 

 

#3. No Chance. Will take 8 hours to achieve what could have been done in 10 minutes in the office.

 

    

#4.  Where's the *^&%ing laptop?

 

16th March 2125

      

Scene: The bridge of the USS Enterprise.

Mr Sulu: Captain, long range sensors have detected . . er, um. .  .

Captain Kirk: Come on man, spit it out!

Mr Sulu: It's  . .  .er.  . it's an infinite  cloud of toilet rolls sir.

Captain Kirk: Shelves up! Check the cubicle door locks

Entire Crew (muffled): Aye aye captain

Dr Spock: Jim, I think there must have been some sort of galactic damnpanic.

Captain Kirk: Can we navigate around them?

Mr Sulu: No sir.

Captain Kirk:  Drain the cisterns and flood the forward torpedo tubes!

Spock:  Very clever Captain, you intend to flush your way through.

Chekov: I hope they are not Russian captain, you'll need photon torpedoes if they are.

McCoy: Godammit Jim! You'll be able to produce one helluva log tonight!

     

10th March 2125

 

 

8th March 2125

From: Lou.Dmouth@BESTOFBREEDAREUSANDTHENSOME.com

Sent: 08 March 2125 09:03

To: GAT <GAT@globalbot.com>

Subject: business intelligence help request

 

Hi GAT,

First off, if there's a more appropriate leader that handles embedded analytics beyond business intelligence, would you please let me know or possibly make an introduction? Maybe the CTO or a VP? Just forward this email and cc. me.

(i.e We're nervous you're a insignificant lightweight)

 

We wanted to set-up an introduction to BESTOFBREEDAREUSANDTHENSOME's scalable, customizable Embedded Analytics solution to simplify analytics for complex data providing instant insights and instant value to Globalrot Corp.

(Well, I've already gained some valuable insights into BESTOFBREEDAREUSANDTHENSOME)

 

From leading global enterprises to innovative startups, worldwide users leverage the power of BESTOFBREEDAREUSANDTHENSOME data analytics software to effortlessly combine large volumes of data from a variety of sources to get the insights they need - the instant they need them.

(I know how to use Excel already)

 

Can we reach out to you and work around your schedule for a call next week?

(No)

 

Really appreciate your help!

(PLEASE HELP ME! I'm desperate)

 

Lou

 

4th March 2125

       

 

'Aaargh! Aaaaarg . . . my eyes, my eyes! I've no option but to work from bed and self- immobilise!'

 

3rd March 2125

 

'That's a new sign' said Thinkbot.

'What does it mean? Is it a crossword clue?' asked GAT.

'Yes, it could be, say nine letters.'

'Whirligig?'

'Yes, spot on! They're not spiders at all.'

'I still think there'll be some shop floor screaming when they stumble on them.'

Scrunch!

'Oh bugger! I stood on one.'

The build bay lamp tower went red and a disembodied voice boomed around them.

'LET'S GET OUT OF HERE!'

Scrunch!

'For crying out loud watch where your putting your feet!'

 

28th February 2125

 

20th February 2125

 

24 hours later, GAT was yet to clear Chinese customs.

The hold up ahead of him was a puppet with country of origin USA.

For reasons not entirely clear, the puppet only spoke Latin.

'De minimis non curat lex' it kept repeating.

But when the TariffBot tapped this into its tablet, all it got was:

 

IGNORE 

And refused an entry permit on the import of food regulations.

 

Not to be continued . . .   (we can but earnestly hope)

 

19th February 2125

 

 

17th February 2125

     

 

Lessons From History #83:  The Brexit Negotiations in Full

European Union: 'Donnez-nous votre poisson!', 'Danos tu pescado!'

Great (again) Britain: 'Our fish are NOT on the negotiating table.'

 

8 months later . . . .  .

 

European Union: 'Donnez-nous votre poisson!', 'Danos tu pescado!'

(Still) Great Britain: 'Our fish are NOT on the negotiating table.'

 

The position of the fishing fleets at dawn on 21st October 2020

The rest, as they say is history.

 

Safe Harbor Statement: Many fish were fried in batter during these negotiations. Especially by the British who persisted in putting their cod & chips on the negotiating table whilst mumbling repeatedly that their fish was not on the negotiating table.

 

11th February 2125

 

6th February 2125

 

Scene: The bridge of the USS Enterprise.

Lt Data:  Captain, we've received an encrypted notification from  Starfleet Command.

Captain Picard:  What is it Mr Data?

Lt Data: It's, ah, um . . .

Captain Picard:  Come on, spit it out, you're supposed to be state of the art AI.

Mr Data:  Earth has left the Federation sir.

Captain Picard:  WHAT?

Commander Riker:  Get Earthxit Done!

Captain Picard:  Riker, you - an Earthexiteer? I don't believe it!

Riker:  You're blinded by your Frenchness Jean Luc!

Attention! Saucer Separation Sequence Initiated

Captain Picard:  Belay that order!

Lt Com La Forge:  No sir! 48% want to remain, even Worf.

Counselor Troy:  Captain, I' sensing a message from the rest of the Federation.

Captain Picard:  What is it Deanna?

 

Hail Earthlings! Bugger off then! See if we care. Don't even think about rejoining unless you give us all your fish!

Sincerely.

 

30th January 2125

 

27th January 2125

 

25th January 2125

 

24th January 2125

 

17th January 2125

 

 

15th January 2125

 

'Scooby Dooby Doo!'

Yelled GAT at the TV, causing Helen to nearly jump out of her skin and splash her wine all down her blouse.

'It's the guy at the garage! It's just a Scooby Doo plot.' GAT pointed gleefully at the TV.

Helen paused the episode of Silent Witness. 'How many times must I ask you not to do that!' she growled, 'I'm not watching any more if you're going to behave like that.'

'Okay, can I change the channel? Bristol Rovers Reserves are playing Newport Reserves in the 2nd round replay of the Major Domo Euro-Freight Brexit Trophy.'

'NO!'

 

8th January 2125

  

'VAR are looking at it!'

The crowded Production Meeting held it's breath.

You could have heard a crate drop.

'The question is, was it a valid shipment or was it a fraction after the quarter end?'

'It'll all come down to whether the PO arrived before or after 24:00:00.000'

 

 

00:00:00.083 - missed by 83 milliseconds.

The meeting room erupted with rage, chairs and laptops flew through the air.

 

6th January 2125

What are they look at with faces full of wonder?

Is it a revelation from a higher being?

A vista of a glorious future where peace and harmony rules over humanity?

Er, no,

 

2nd January 2125

 

Another New Year - Another New App.

And strangely a new key to press.

 

 

I wonder what it does?

CLICK

'Blimey!  It even freezes the eternal wait routine.

 

THINKBLOG VAULTS

 

THINKBLOG  - 2124

 

THINKBLOG  - 2123

 

THINKBLOG  - 2122

 

THINKBLOG  - 2121

 

THINKBLOG  - 2120

 

THINKBLOG  - April to December 2119

 

THINKBLOG  - July 2118 - March 2119

THINKBLOG  - Jan - Jun 2118

THINKBLOG  - Jul - Dec 2117

THINKBLOG  - Jan - Jun 2117

THINKBLOG  - Jul - Dec 2116

THINKBLOG  - Jan - Jun 2116

THINKBLOG  - Oct - Dec 2115

THINKBLOG  - Jul - Sept 2115

THINKBLOG  - Apr - Jun 2115

 

THINKBLOG  - Jan - March 2115

 

THINKBLOG  - Oct - Dec 2114

 

THINKBLOG  - Jul - Sept 2114

 

THINKBLOG  - Apr - Jun 2114

 

THINKBLOG  - Jan - March 2114

 

THINKBLOG  - Oct - Dec 2113

 

THINKBLOG  - Jul - Sept 2113

 

THINKBLOG  - Apr - Jun 2113

 

THINKBLOG  - Jan - Mar 2113

 

THINKBLOG  - Oct - Dec 2112

 

THINKBLOG  - July - Sept 2112

 

THINKBLOG  - Apr - June 2112

 

THINKBLOG  - Jan - March 2112

 

THINKBLOG  - Oct - Dec 2111

 

THINKBLOG  - July - Sept 2111

 

THINKBLOG  - March - June 2111

 

ORIGINAL INDEX